I Almost Fell off the Cliff

And I couldn't even see the edge...

Prior to March 2020 I was living in a fantasy world but I didn’t know it. I thought politicians acted in the best interests of the people and sought to make our lives better. I thought journalists and mainstream media reported facts as they happened and without an agenda. I thought science was pure. I thought most people were good.

(Cue the sound of the record player stylus jumping the track and scratching from the inside out and the music stopping abruptly)

Like many I was horrified by the scenes in China and Italy in those early days. It was the Plague! I gobbled up MSM coverage of world events with a kind of disbelief as my country shut its borders, locked us down and took our freedoms in the name of keeping us all safe. At first, I didn’t question any of it. I actually had a cruise booked in May of 2020 and in April I was still somewhat hopeful that it would all be over by then. I just want to slap my April 2020 self across the face.

Fast forward and miracle of miracles, out came the vaccines. Vaccines that would protect you, protect your loved ones, and allow our lives to return to normal. I also had a vested interest in returning to normal. My partner lives in the USA, and vaccines would allow us to open our borders, travel, and resume our lives together. Yay normal! I scheduled my first Astra Zeneca vaccine.

Then the news. A woman in her 50s had died from blood clots that they thought was from the Astra Zeneca. Wow. That’s not good. Then another. Then a man. What was happening? Were these vaccines unsafe? Of course not. The media assured me. Facebook assured me. Twitter assured me. Vaccines go through lots of testing and are totally safe and effective. Yes a few people may die but the benefits outweigh the risks. Australia ordered a huge batch of the new wonderful vaccine called Pfizer. It didn’t have the blood clot risks of Astra Zeneca. My sister suggested I should wait for that (I was 51 at the time and in the danger age it seemed for blood clotting issues). As the time between Pfizer doses was smaller than with Astra Zeneca, she assured me I’d still be able to be fully vaccinated by when I wanted to travel, and the country was showing no signs of opening up yet anyway. So I called and postponed my appointment for a couple of months’ time in anticipation of Pfizer.

I hadn’t yet walked away from the cliff edge but I had turned my back on it for now. I still was oblivious to the fact I was even on a cliff.

Then by coincidence a number of people came into my life that began talking about adverse effects from not only Astra Zeneca but from Pfizer as well. People they knew personally. A colleague of my friend’s husband died. This was starting to get a bit crazy. I turned off mainstream media and started delving into alternative media, internet articles, scientific studies and talking to more people. And it was like waking from a deep deep sleep that I’d clearly been in since my childhood. Talk about harsh reality. It’s like someone shaking you awake whilst screaming at you through a megaphone. No gentle snuggles under the warm covers as I gently open my eyes and stretch and yawn. It has been confronting to say the least.

So here is my confession. I bought into the Covid pandemic. I bought into the vaccinations, the government control, everything. I DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT AS CONTROL! I wanted my freedoms back and it never occurred to me that taking the vaccine should never have been a criteria needed to achieve that. Had my sister not suggested delaying that first appointment who knows how my life would have been different. I may right now be eagerly lining up for my booster shot. I may be watching the TV coverage of the protests and scathingly judging the protesting crowds and accusing them of a blatant disregard for society and wanting to kill everyone. I may be advocating that the unvaccinated should be shunned from society. Hell, just throw them in camps. And certainly don’t let them take up hospital beds that are needed by the real do-gooders of society. I don’t want to think that I could have been that person, but I could have. In the past I had thought about what I would have been like had I been born in Germany in Hitler’s time. My idealistic self thinks I would have been this guy.

But now I think I may have just as easily been the guy next to him.

Let me clarify, I’m not talking about the cliff as being a choice of vaccination or not. You can be vaccinated on or off the cliff. You can be unvaccinated on or off the cliff. The cliff as I experience it, is buying into the MSM/political mainstream narrative and not asking questions. Not being allowed to ask questions, and being okay with that. And then to boot, shunning and reviling anyone who dares to do so.

So yes, I very nearly fell off that cliff. A Sliding Doors moment perhaps. I’d say I’m ashamed of myself but I’m not one to be ashamed of myself. You do better when you know better, and back then I didn’t know any better. My analytical and critical thinking self had been lulled into sleep through a selfish life of comfort and privilege and personal circumstances and problems as surely as Mr.Anderson was plugged into the Matrix.

Now at least I see the cliff and I didn’t fall off and I will not fall. Some days I still kind of wish I was in the oblivion of not knowing about the cliff. The world was a far nicer and simpler place then. I didn’t have to walk past my favourite coffee shop knowing I could no longer go inside without my phone displaying the privileged green tick. I didn’t have to face the prospect of losing my job due to vaccination mandate. I didn’t have to face separation from my partner (2 years now) not knowing when I’ll ever be able to travel to see them again. And I didn’t have to grieve for the future I planned out that will now never happen, at least not in the format I envisioned.

To everyone else on the cliff with me, let me smile and take your hand and lets help each other keep our balance. To those that have fallen and are perhaps wondering about those of us still standing on the edge, let me smile and take your hand and help you back up. To those that fell and don’t even realise, I see you and I understand. Some of my friends and family are so far down in the abyss and it makes me sad. But I look around and see new faces and I feel like a butterfly coming out of its cocoon and flying free for the first time in my life. Welcome to the new normal, sans the rose coloured glasses.